As expats, building a fulfilling life abroad can seem like an adventure but the pressures of relocation often take an unexpected toll on relationships.
When we leave our home countries to follow wonderful career opportunities - or to support our partner in their career opportunity - we are all of us leaving our comfort zones.
This results in all members of the family needing quite high levels of support all at once, which is when cracks begin to show. Moving abroad can magnify stressors and introduce challenges that may strain even the strongest of partnerships.
Take John and Mary’s example. John’s new job in Dubai brings intense work pressure and long hours. He expects a supportive family environment, but Mary, having left a successful marketing career, is frustrated and lost. Struggling with daily tasks, finding coffee mornings superficial and feeling isolated, she can’t find genuine support in her new surroundings.
Meanwhile, their children face the stress of adapting to new schools, schools they never really wanted to go to in the first place as they were happy back home.
Everyone is overwhelmed, but instead of addressing their struggles together, John avoids coming home early on weekdays, Mary escapes into weekend brunches in an attempt to pull John back to her, and the kids are left with the newly found nanny, not quite knowing why mum and dad are suddenly out all the time.
Amongst everyone, resentments build up and the family dynamics start to fray.
Recognising these pitfalls and taking proactive steps can create a happier and more resilient expat marriage. Here are 7 ways to future-proof your expat marriage:
1. Share your vision and goals
Before moving abroad - or even before entering an expat marriage - discuss your shared aspirations. If they differ, set a unified vision to ensure alignment. This is especially important in vibrant expat cities, where heads can be turned by the glitz and glamour of success. A joint vision and shared goals will enable you to work together as a couple, so that the two of you feel like “Team Success”, melting away the pressures of having to “compete with the Joneses.”
2. Build your home together
Collaborate on home projects together. Get the kids involved as much as possible. This helps create a sense of ownership and togetherness. When John, extremely consumed by his new job, left all household decisions to Mary, he became emotionally detached from their home and so spent less and less time in it. Although it made practical sense for Mary to take this on, she was left feeling burdened and resentful, with no time to put her own career back on the map.
The kids retreated to their rooms to avoid their parents’ negative vibes. Investing in your shared space together creates emotional connections, strengthens your environmental wellbeing, and deepens your bond as a couple and a family, helping turn your home into a true family haven.
3. Take ownership of daily life
For cultures that grew up with nannies or housemaids, having help around is second nature, but for those who are not used to this, someone else doing all that mundane work can often feel liberating. What we forget is that with freedom comes responsibility. These small, everyday moments foster connection and teamwork. When both partners take ownership of family life, they build mutual respect and reduce feelings of disconnection. By all means, welcome your nanny to help you, but don’t allow them to take over your role.
4. Focus on positivity at home
When reuniting after a long day, prioritise sharing positive experiences first. Starting conversations with positives sets a lighter, more supportive tone for the evening. This creates supportive space for you to afterwards share your frustrations, without the other person taking it personally. This practice helps create an uplifting environment, benefiting the entire family.
5. Seek external support
Don’t rely solely on your partner to meet all your emotional needs. As expats often lack immediate access to a close community, consider finding a Life Coach during the early months of relocation. Mary, for example, could have worked with a Life Coach to regain career momentum and feel less isolated. Similarly, John could have sought guidance to better manage stress and support his family. Professional support can help couples grow individually, enabling them to support each other more effectively.
6. Carve out some “me time” - but with boundaries
Personal hobbies or relaxation help recharge your batteries, making you a better partner and parent. Prioritising self-care prevents resentments building up and allows you to show up as your best self for your spouse and family. However, set clear boundaries for this personal time so that it doesn’t interfere with family commitments.
7. Share adventures as a family
In the hustle and bustle of expat life, it’s easy to forget the joy of family time. Plan activities that everyone can enjoy together, like camping, water sports, or exploring the vibrant culture of your new city. Shared experiences create lasting memories and strengthen family bonds. By prioritising togetherness through fun, you reinforce the foundation of your couple and family relationships.
Relocating to a new country is an opportunity for growth, but it requires effort to maintain harmony at home. By setting shared goals, investing in your home life, and supporting each other as individuals, you can build a resilient and fulfilling expat marriage.
Remember, teamwork and open communication are the cornerstones of any successful partnership - no matter where in the world you call home.
// Anne Jackson, Master Life Coach, Founder & CEO of One Life Coaching M.E.
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