How To Build Healthy Tech Boundaries As A Family

We’re increasingly learning that social media, and technology more broadly, is incredibly addictive. These platforms are designed to stimulate the brain’s dopaminergic reward system, which plays a key role in habit formation and motivation. Because of this, it can be really hard to step away from our devices, especially when they serve as an easy escape from something uncomfortable or when there's simply nothing else to do. And the same is absolutely true for our kids.

This is why simply asking children to put down their devices, or worse, demanding it without offering an alternative can often backfire. What can be more effective is helping them build a healthier relationship with technology by offering engaging, real-world experiences that feel rewarding in their own right. These don't need to be grand or expensive. An hour playing a board game, doing a craft project, building something with LEGO, or even cooking dinner together can go a long way. These activities activate similar reward circuits in the brain and can help fulfill the same needs for stimulation, connection, and accomplishment, but in a more grounded and relational way. Plus, they offer moments of quality bonding that strengthen the parent-child relationship and create lasting memories. And bonus: these kinds of activities help your brain, too. They offer you a moment to unplug, be present, and model a different kind of joy, one that doesn’t require a screen.

This brings us to a really important second point: modeling tech boundaries for your child. Kids are way more observant than we often give them credit for. They notice our non-verbal cues, pick up on inconsistencies, and are deeply attuned to fairness and hypocrisy, even if they don’t always have the words to name it. So, if we’re asking them to be mindful of screen time while we’re scrolling through our own phones at the dinner table or replying to emails during story time, it sends a mixed message. Over time, this can lead to confusion or even resentment, especially if the rules feel one-sided and the general message is “do as I say, not as I do”.

Instead, we can show them what it looks like to use technology with intention. That might mean setting “no phone” times for the whole family (like during meals or right before bed), explaining why you're putting your device away (“I want to focus on being here with you”), or even talking about your own struggles with screen time and how you’re trying to manage it. These small, honest gestures go a long way. They teach kids not just to follow rules about technology, but to understand their purpose and see how they fit into a bigger picture of health, balance, and connection.

//  Magdalena Karakehayova at Thrive