Healing from Insecure Attachments // Understanding Patterns and Building Healthier Connections

A baby’s cry, met with a mother’s gentle touch and embrace, reminds us that human beings are designed to live together, to need one another. From these early moments, attachment and a sense of belonging are born.

These emotional bonds, formed in childhood, inevitably shape the adults we become. Cynthia Ghosn, a DHA-Licensed Psychology Technician & Early Career Professional at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, dives deeper into the understanding of insecure attachments and how they develop, manifesting in relationships.

// The Roots of Insecure Attachments

Cynthia explains that the bonds formed in childhood shape how individuals connect with others as adults. When emotional needs are consistently met by caregivers, secure attachments are likely to develop. However, when those needs go unmet or are met inconsistently, insecure attachments can form. These are typically seen in three ways:

• Anxious Attachment: Resulting from inconsistent caregiving, this attachment style leads to a fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance. Adults with anxious attachment may struggle with self-esteem and find it difficult to communicate their needs, often becoming overly dependent on their partners for validation. These patterns can create challenges in maintaining healthy boundaries and emotional regulation.

  
  

• Avoidant Attachment: Stemming from emotionally distant caregiving, avoidant attachment results in a reluctance to form close emotional connections. Adults with this style often suppress emotions, avoid conflict, and rely on independence as a form of self-protection. This can lead to difficulties in forming deep relationships, as emotional vulnerability is perceived as a threat.

  
  

• Disorganised Attachment: Born from environments where caregivers are both sources of comfort and fear, disorganised attachment creates confusion in relationships. Adults oscillate between seeking closeness and withdrawing out of fear, making their behaviour unpredictable and often chaotic. Trust and security can feel elusive, complicating both personal and professional relationships.

Cynthia highlights a recent research conducted by Madigan in 2023 found that 51.6% of individuals exhibit secure attachment styles, while 48.4% experience insecure attachments of which, 10.2% anxious, 14.7% avoidant, and 23.4% disorganised. These statistics reveal the prevalence of attachment-related struggles and the importance of addressing these issues to improve relationship quality and emotional health.

// Therapy as a path to healing

“Awareness is the first step,” Cynthia notes. Therapy offers a powerful opportunity for individuals to explore and break the patterns of insecure attachment. Emotion-Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) helps clients understand their attachment history and build healthier emotional connections where it targets an individual's attachment map, gaining awareness of the childhood attachment dynamic, and how it is presented in adulthood, and focusing on active processing and emotion regulation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) addresses dysfunctional thought patterns, while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages mindfulness and self-compassion, helping clients manage emotional responses and strengthen their resilience. Through these therapeutic approaches, individuals can rebuild trust, process emotions, and create more secure, meaningful relationships.

// A Step Toward Emotional Well-Being

Cynthia explains, “Healing from insecure attachments helps individuals move toward a deeper sense of self-awareness and emotional well-being.” By recognising and reshaping their attachment patterns, individuals can build more fulfilling personal connections and achieve greater emotional stability, ultimately leading to a more balanced and healthier life. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, it is important to remember that humans thrive as social beings. Cynthia beautifully captures Sue Johnson’s words: “To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness.”