Have Your Say // An Ode to the Childfree Woman in Her 30s

At 35 years old, living in Dubai and firmly childfree, Midzi reflects on why women like her have become a cultural flashpoint – from whispered family judgments to being critiqued on podcasts like Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO (yes we are talking about *that* viral conversation) – and why choosing not to have children is not a crisis, but a conscious, fulfilled way of living.

I'm a childfree woman. People like me used to (mostly) fly under the radar. We were the slightly alternative but mostly harmless cousins, sisters and aunts that lived life on our own terms. Our choices weren’t framed as something to be critiqued and ridiculed on podcasts; just something to be whispered about at family gatherings for the most part.

“Child free”. It’s what I and many other women call ourselves, because “childless” implies a sense of loss or longing for children you don't have. “Child free”, however, signals the opposite. It’s the freedom of choice not to have children, ever.

Back to the radar; it turns out it’s shining on us brighter than ever, at least now that us millennials are the adults in the room. While the conversations about women’s “duty” to have children and populate the planet are not new, in the last five years child free women have been thrust firmly back into the news cycle. But it’s a different world now. The 30-something child free woman is likely highly educated, financially secure, loves a spin class or weekend hike as much as a late night out, has incredible friendships, might have a pet or two and, shockingly, to many, is deeply happy.

Panic at the (baby) disco

Recently, articles and TV and podcast segments about the “declining birth rate” are everywhere, coupled with a moral panic about the continuation of civilization, which of course is rooted in - you guessed it - capitalism.

The concern is that the smaller the population, the smaller the workforce, and the longer we live, the bigger strain on public health and pensions. The UAE isn’t exempt from this decline:

“The UAE’s fertility rate has dropped from 3.76 in 1994 to 1.21 in 2024.” -

World Fertility Report 2024

From South Korea and Japan to Italy, Spain, the U.S. and Chile, governments have been sounding the alarm about ‘too few babies’ as fertility falls well below replacement.

My “niche” lifestyle

I was 23 years old when I knew I didn’t ever want to have children. I was old enough to know that the feeling wasn’t fleeting and that I should give myself more time to sit with it, but young enough not to let it consume me. I spoke about it with friends of course, and as the liberal girl I was (and still am), I was surrounded by a support system that affirmed my choice, for the most part.

I was always a headstrong girl. Big personality, big ideas, fiercely independent and a lover of all things fun and free. But as a Black African woman, this felt a little “too” free. A little too alternative, a little too left field. So I didn’t speak about it for years. But I’m 35 now and I finally feel comfortable enough to do so. I’m an entrepreneur, a stellar friend and sister, I give back to my community, I pursue my passions, I’m collaborative, I fight for what I believe in, and I’m fun as hell. Not having children myself doesn’t make me less of a woman.

When Men Speak About The Childfree Woman

Steven Bartlett has had a couple of guests on his podcast The Diary of a CEO talking about the male loneliness epidemic and the “anti relationship” and “anti children” agenda being pushed by women that are child free.

Chris Williamson, a podcaster and YouTuber, and one of Bartlett’s recent guests, said that he was glad the “girl with the list” wasn’t a mother, simply because she pointed out the myriad cons to having children. Her aim is to educate and inform, but that’s framed as dangerous by people that will never have to carry a baby to term.

And herein lies the problem: the news cycle privileges the point of view of those that aren’t actually child free. There’s an overwhelming amount of time spent on demonising women that are living full, meaningful lives, and not enough time listening to us.

A Choice That Doesn’t Need Defending

If you’re still looking for the reasons women choose to remain child free…The world is in a weird place. Presidents are being kidnapped, wars are raging, climate change is here and we’re all contributing to it, the cost of living is astronomical, and the dating scene is atrocious. And these aren’t even my reasons.

Maybe the real headline isn’t that fewer women are having children, but that more women are finally allowed to say it out loud.

The podcasters will still spew problematic views, the debates will continue and the birth rate graphs will keep falling. In the middle of all that noise, I and so many other women are simply choosing to build rich, textured, complicated lives that don’t centre pregnancy or parenting – and that choice doesn’t need to be defended, but it should absolutely be respected.

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