The Five Types of People Pleasers - Which One Are You?

Do you ever imagine yourself as the kind of person who boldly declares, “I’m just doing me, thanks,” yet when it’s time to follow through, that confidence evaporates?

Maybe you want to voice a new idea. Maybe you dream of starting a business. Maybe you’d like to ask for a raise, go for the promotion, or simply wear something beyond your usual ‘uniform’.

And yet… something stops you.

What Would Change if You Cared 10% Less About What Others Think?

Truly consider it:

• What would you do differently?

• What would it be worth to you?

  What might happen if you believed your opinion of yourself more than the opinion you think others have of you?

Spoiler: you’d stop putting yourself last, and that would be good. Actually, scratch that. It would be great!

Because here’s the truth: when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one, least of all yourself. And in our careers, relationships, and ambitions, self-neglect is a guaranteed recipe for stagnation. But before we talk solutions, let’s talk origins.

Why Do We People-Please?

People-pleasing isn’t simply about bending over backward for others; it is far more layered than that. It often traces back to the environments that shaped us: how we were raised, how we learned to cope or survive, and what we believed we needed to do to feel worthy, accepted or loved. So pause and ask yourself: What childhood memory shaped your sense of worth, and how is it still influencing your behaviour today? The clarity that comes from answering that question is often the key that unlocks everything.

The Five Types of People-Pleasers

When it comes to the types of people pleasers, there are five common archetypes. Most don’t fit neatly into just one. Many float between a few depending on the situation, the season or the company. As you read, consider the accompanying question for each type. They aren’t exam questions, there’s no pass, fail or time limit. They’re merely meant to slowly shift your awareness. (And a gentle reminder: this isn’t a diagnostic tool or treatment guide, just a framework for self-reflection.)

1. The Peacekeeper

You’re known as the “easy-going, nice one.”

You work tirelessly to ensure everyone around you is happy. You soften your words, swallow your opinions and avoid ruffling feathers, even though, internally, you hold a list titled ‘Here’s What I Really Think’ as long as the Visa bill of a shopaholic. As a result, you spend approximately 94.5% of your shower time winning imaginary arguments.

Reflect: Which relationships in your life drain your energy, and why are you still holding onto them?

2. The Chameleon

You shape-shift so others will like you. You’re the person who says, “Oh, I love coriander,” even though you secretly think it tastes like soap. When asked for your opinion, you offer the one you think is most acceptable rather than the one that’s authentic. Over time, the performance is exhausting. You lose sight of who you are beneath the colours you shift between. Sometimes, you struggle to remember the real version of you at all.

Reflect: Which parts of your identity do you feel you must hide and why?

3. The Avoider

You love uplifting others. From the sidelines. A root canal sounds preferable to conflict. You stay silent to avoid difficult conversations. The mere idea of drawing attention to yourself feels as pleasant as a surprise audit. Praise? You brush it off with, “It was nothing,” even though your effort nearly cost you a thumb and three months of sleep.

Reflect: Which past mistake are you still punishing yourself for, and what would forgiveness make possible?

4. The Caretaker

You prioritise everyone else because the thought of someone struggling alone feels unbearable. You’re perpetually overextended, constantly worrying about others. Saying no? It feels equivalent to harming a nun. Your last true moment to yourself was in 1984 (unless you count your appendix surgery). When someone offers help, accepting it feels selfish, and they probably don’t really want to help anyway, right? And if you ever do accept, you feel compelled to repay them with your firstborn.

Reflect: What habits must you release to become the person you aspire to be?

5. The Empath

You feel the world’s emotions as if they were your own. Uber drivers tell you their childhood traumas within three minutes. You’re the designated emotional dumping ground for everyone around you.

But compassion is a heavy crown. Your hyper-attunement to others’ feelings drains your soul. You long to be liked, not just by people you know, but also by the random stranger who wouldn’t let you pet their dog. You hate hurting feelings. Last week, you got food poisoning because you refused to send back undercooked chicken as you didn’t want to ruin the chef’s day. And yes, you still gave the restaurant five stars.

Reflect: How does it feel to be you right now, in this moment?

Take your time when going through the questions above. They aren’t meant to be rushed or treated like a checklist. Let them linger. Let them soften something inside you.  Let them open small doors that lead to self-awareness, permission, and eventually, self-respect.

And remember: people-pleasing is common. Wanting to be helpful, supportive, or well-liked isn’t a flaw, it’s human. But when those instincts come at the expense of your wellbeing, your boundaries, or your identity, that’s when they stop serving youI hope they help you see yourself with a little more clarity… and a lot more compassion.