Have you ever gone through something significant, only to come out of the other side feeling as though you don’t really know who you are anymore? Trust me, you are not alone. It’s a common feeling after experiencing any major change in circumstance. Many such shifts will leave you feeling this way: Relocation; change in relationship status; divorce; motherhood; miscarriage; fertility issues; promotion; redundancy; new business venture; menopause; empty nest syndrome… each one of these scenarios leaves its imprint on the person we understood we were and questioning, who we’ve become since.
The chances are you’ve experienced at least one of these; perhaps even in recent months. Going through such change can be daunting enough without bringing into question the deeper and philosophical aspect of how you might have altered as an individual.
So why does change bring our identity into question?
Put simply, you are no longer the same person you were before the event – irrespective of whether you feel it’s for better, for worse. Even when you are the driving party behind the change itself i.e. the person choosing to make that life adjustment.
For example, as exciting as a relocation or new job may be, it still comes with stress and unknown territory. Entering this can leave you lacking in self-assurance or impose self-doubt. Missing family and friends who keep you in check can also cause a major impact on how you see yourself. The seeming rite of passage to ‘reinvent ourselves’ whenever we cross borders might also have its affects.
There are the changes that bring great joy to our lives such as motherhood. Yet this is a demanding new role to play which can consume every part of your life. Changes in your body along with different routines such as the school run vs. attending work, can make you feel you’ve become a completely different person. Parenting also redefines our values and priorities in ways we could never imagine, ultimately changing your views.
These are just two examples of more positive life transformations. Other changes can leave you feeling like the life you had planned is no longer, you are facing a different trajectory, and that’s hella confusing!
What impact does this have on image and style?
Identity confusion may play out in many ways. Yet often most powerful, it influences how we look and feel about our image. Why, and how so?
Our style is a projection of who we are. If you are confused about your identity, this will come through in your style. No longer knowing your own style often results in us wearing the same clothes without variation. There’s also the feeling of dressing like someone else i.e. a ‘mum’ role, unsure how to deviate away from this if returning to work or going for a night out.
If style has been an insecurity in the past, then this may become more dominant as we lose focus of our authentic selves. For some the notion of styling has always been a little intimidating. Throw a major life alteration into the equation and this feeling can increase ten-fold!
Body changes or age may leave us feeling self-conscious of how we dress. Motherhood, miscarriage, menopause… the number of impacting factors to our bodies can leave us feeling confused how to best dress for our body shape and age.
New environments can leave us wondering whether we understand the ‘brief’ and if our existing style fits in with our new world. New job, promotion, returning to the office or changing country all bring this into question.
So, if you are feeling this way, what we can you do to rediscover yourself and our style?
Accept the change. Rather than wanting to step back and be the previous version of yourself, it’s important to understand you have moved on. Learnings and experiences may us stronger and better equipped. Self-love and respect for this movement is a vital first step.
Bring yourself with you. You carry that person with you along with the styles you loved before. Not all styles you wore in your 20s are going to suit you or your lifestyle now. Perhaps those big winter coats you wore in your home country are going to be viable in sunnier climes! But think about the styles you like and learn to incorporate a little bit of what you love.
Understand who you are now. Your likes, your dislikes and what suits you and your lifestyle. Educating yourself on this will help build out your style as the person you’ve grown to be today, equipping you to make style choices decisively and in line with your genuine self.
Finally, remember that life is a journey and as a result, so is your identity and everything that goes with it, aka style. You will continue to grow and evolve throughout life. Being in touch with this will ensure you grow as your own authentic self, so that you can shine.
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