By Indira Kasaeva
According to Champan’s “The Five Love Language”s, each person has their own language of love. There are five types, and the secret to forming meaningful bonds that last, is showing your affection in the correct language of the receiver
This feature is inspired by a conversation over lunch between a team of colleagues, eight women of different ages, nationalities and walks of life, discussing love languages. The concept itself was sparked by a New York Times bestseller, The Five Love Languages. The book written by Gary Chapman, is about how to express your love to people based on their love language. You may be expressing your love in a certain way, but is this really what the person perceives as love for themselves?
According to Champan there are five love languages. Without having actually read the book, it had initiated some deep thinking and helped me identify my loved ones into the five types. Having set them into their categories, I’ve tried to express my love in their “language” and it has been interesting to see the different reaction from the usual response I have seen over the years. So, if you have never heard of the concept or the book like me, here’s a little tip to the various languages. A personal tip to identifying, people tend to express their love for you in their language (which may not be yours), so pay attention to how they express their love to you and do the same to them.
This may as well be the most straightforward category of all. Love for this type of personality is expressed when they receive physical signs of affection. It may be a hug, a kiss or just a pat on the back. Physical touch for them is receiving affirming energy and emotional boost, via the warmth and comfort they feel. It is also easy to identify these people, as they tend to express their love to others in this way.
Acts of Service
Most commonly a trait of the more rational folk, these are believers in “actions speak louder than words”. They might not cherish an expensive gift or something that you said, but they will feel loved by you coming to the rescue in a certain situation, bringing them a cup of tea when they’re sick, or picking them up from the airport. For them you going the extra mile means the world. Both small and big actions are appreciated on an equal matter.
While this might seem a bit of a materialistic trait, it’s actually not the monetary value of the gift that counts. People whose love language is gifts, it’s about having a physical representation of love. It is the thought process and effort in acquiring the gift that is meaningful for them – is what is appreciated. It may be a small bouquet on a tough day, or their favorite tea, overall, it is the attention to detail that counts. The same goes for those who are givers, there is a category of people who express their love by gifting others.
Words of Affirmation
This category of people will feel extra loved through verbal communication and receiving affection, appreciation, and any expression of feelings through texts, calls, or actual conversation. Words of affirmation make them feel loved, and so, instead of casually sending them, some thank you cookies for the presentation they helped you with – they would much rather receive a written note expressing how grateful you are to them!
Ultimately, your full presence is required to give these people the love they need and understand. They want your undivided attention, and they want to spend time with you, celebrate special occasions together, and have meaningful conversations - as that’s what their soul craves. Next time you’re spending time with loved ones from this category, put your phone away and simply be present.