Is Trolling a Cry for Attachment? The Psychology Behind Online Cruelty

It’s easy to roll our eyes at internet trolls and write them off as cruel, bored, or attention-seeking. And yes, in many cases, that’s true. But what if trolling isn’t only about causing harm? What if, on some level, it’s about trying to be seen?

We live in a time where likes, shares, and follows are modern-day signals of self-worth. Social media gives people the illusion of real connection, yet research has shown that many feel lonelier than ever. In that emotional gap, trolling has emerged, not just as an act of hostility, but sometimes as a distorted attempt to belong to something. We can agree that it's not a healthy attempt, certainly not a friendly one, but it may still be rooted in the human need for secure attachment.

Trolls often go after strangers with harsh insults, not necessarily because they hate them, but because they want a reaction from them. A reaction means impact. Impact means that, for a moment, they mattered to someone. When someone feels invisible in their real life: ignored at home, rejected socially, or insecure about their own identity, being provocative online becomes a quick way to reclaim a sense of power and control over their lives. 

Research has shown links between loneliness, low self-esteem, and online aggression. To summarize simply: people who don’t feel heard will sometimes force others to hear them. And on social media platforms, anonymity makes this much easier. You can lash out behind a fake name and never face the consequences.Anonymity doesn’t necessarily create cruelty, but it removes the normal social brakes that would usually keep it in check.

Now comes the question: Does this mean we should excuse trolling? Absolutely not. Online cruelty can have real psychological consequences for people. Butunderstanding the psychology behind it can help us respond more effectively. Outrage and public shaming only feed the troll’s desire for attention. One way to disrupt trolling is reducing the reward system around it by engaging less with the trolls, holding them more accountable, and creating stronger online norms and rules for communication.

Another important intervention is creating digital literacy programs that integrate emotional education, having schools that teach empathy in online communication, and platforms that promote healthier forms of engagement. When people feel seen and valued in healthier ways, the impulse to provoke diminishes.  

At the end of the day, trolling isn’t just about bad behaviour. It’s a mirror reflecting how disconnected many people feel. Beneath the cruelty often lies a painful truth: being noticed even for something negative, can feel better than being ignored altogether. The solution to online hostility may not start with stricter rules alone, but with addressing the loneliness and disconnection driving it.

// Dahlia Yamout, Thrive Wellbeing Centre