Honest Expat Life // When You Want to Move Home and Your Husband Does Not

Ah, the expat life. The adventure of living abroad, immersing yourself in a new culture, trying exotic foods, and… occasionally feeling like you’re living in an endless episode of “Where’s My Home?”

It’s all very exciting until, well, you start to miss the comforts of home, your family, your favourite coffee shop, the way your local supermarket organizes its aisles. And then there’s the twist in your expat story: your husband doesn’t feel the same way. While you’re fantasizing about packing your bags and heading back to familiar soil, he’s happily settled in your new home, savouring all the expat perks.

So, what’s an expat to do when your heart says “home,” but your husband says “not yet”?

Here a few tips on how to handle this situation without losing your mind - or your relationship.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings - It’s Okay to Miss Home!

First things first: it’s totally normal to miss home when you’re living abroad, even if your life is wonderful in many ways. You might miss your friends, your family, or even your favorite place to grab a coffee (that’s just part of the expat experience). Feeling homesick is nothing to be ashamed of. The key is to accept it, embrace it, and give yourself permission to have those moments of longing.

Why not try journaling or talking to a friend. Sometimes just acknowledging your emotions helps you process them and get a better sense of what you really need.

2. Communicate with Your Husband Without Sounding Like a Drama Queen

This might be the trickiest part: talking to your husband about wanting to move home when he’s content where you are. But don’t worry, you don’t have to go in with a suitcase packed and a speech prepared.

The key is open, honest, and loving communication. Share how you’re feeling, without accusing or blaming. Instead of saying, “I want to leave NOW!” try, “I’ve been feeling homesick lately, and I really miss XYZ about home. Can we talk about how we might address it?”

Just remember, this is a conversation, not a confrontation. Approach it with the mindset that you’re a team and can come up with a solution that works for both of you.

3. Find the Middle Ground - Yes The C Word - Compromise!

While your heart might be set on packing your bags and heading back home, it’s important to remember that compromise is key in any relationship. Your husband might have valid reasons for wanting to stay, whether it’s his job, the opportunities you’re experiencing together, or the lifestyle that you’ve built. So, try to find a middle ground that respects both your desires. Could you take a trip back home for a few weeks to get your fix of familiar comforts? Or maybe set a timeline for when you’ll revisit the idea of moving back? You can still get your “home” fix without uprooting everything.

Try making a pros-and-cons list of staying versus moving home. Sometimes seeing things written down helps you both see the situation more clearly and find a compromise that works.

4. Create a Home Away from Home

If you’re going to stay put for a while, why not make your current space feel more like “home”? Even the smallest touches, like adding cozy furniture, hanging photos of family and friends, or cooking meals from your hometown, can help bridge the gap between your old life and your new one. Creating an environment that feels like your space will help you feel more comfortable, even when you’re far away.

5. Build New Traditions Together

Even if you’re missing home, why not try to create new traditions with your husband while living abroad? Maybe you start a weekly “home-cooked meal night” where you cook dishes from both of your homelands or explore new places together that are close to your heart. You might even find that some aspects of your new life become as comforting and familiar as your old life.

Why not take a weekend trip to a nearby city or country you’ve always wanted to explore. Discovering new places together will help shift your mindset and make your current home feel more exciting.

6. Give Yourself a Break (You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out)

It’s easy to get caught up in the “should I stay or should I go?” dilemma, but remember that your feelings are valid, and they’re allowed to change over time. It’s okay if you feel homesick one week and then start enjoying life abroad the next. You don’t have to have all the answers, and it’s perfectly fine to give yourself the space to figure out what makes the most sense for you both.

Remember to practice self-care during this time. Whether that means taking a walk, indulging in your favourite treat, or having a movie night with your husband, give yourself the mental break you deserve.

7. Focus on the Adventure (There’s a Whole World Out There!)

Lastly, don’t forget to look at the adventure of being an expat as an exciting opportunity to grow, explore, and experience life in a completely different way. Yes, you might miss home, but you’re also living a story that not everyone gets to experience. And who knows? You may find that some of the things you love about your new life abroad end up feeling just as “homey” as your old life.

Embrace the little moments, like finding a local café you love, making new friends, or getting a glimpse of a new culture. The world is full of little wonders waiting to be discovered, even if it’s not where you thought you’d be.

Being an expat comes with a whole range of emotions, and it’s totally normal to feel torn between your old life and your new one. But remember, it’s all about balance, compromise, and communication with your partner. Whether you’re staying abroad or heading back home eventually, what matters most is that you’re navigating this adventure together.