Honest Chat // Being Happy is… Being Excited

Last night as I was flicking through the streaming channels, I gasped. A new season of Grey’s Anatomy is coming to Disney+ in… a few days! OMG. My stomach flipped. I twirled the remote around in my hands and jumped around the living room in my PJs. I grabbed my phone, messaged my sister. Her reply; OMG. We live 250 miles apart but I know she was also jumping around her living room in her PJs. Genuinely, this is happiness.

Okay, I gotta wait a few days.

But I am SO excited.

When I was little, I thought happiness was the “happily ever after” notion. I believed that if I was a good girl at school, worked hard to get top grades and found a nice man to marry that I would be happy. We would live in a big house with a swimming pool and eat Pot Noodles whenever we wanted (because I was never allowed Pot Noodles as a kid) and on the side, I’d be a movie star or Broadway actress, and life would be fabulous, darling. Therefore, I would be happy.

Nothing like a taste of adulthood to break the spell, eh?

After graduating from university, I moved to London to make my dreams come true and be happy. It was a shock to the system to wake up in the morning and realise I’d spent more than a day’s pay, just by opening my eyes. The cost of rent, food, bills, transport… that house with the swimming pool was looking way out of reach; how would I ever be happy? I hadn’t found a nice man, either, so this wasn’t looking too rosy. I’d found one I liked a lot, but also didn’t like a lot, putting all of my efforts into trying to change him because if he could just be a bit more like this and a little more like that, well, then we would be happy! And as for my career, or lack of one, I never expected to leave drama school and work in a call centre cold-calling elderly people urging them to donate money to animal welfare. Those days weren’t easy. But when I look back, I don’t instantly think of the doom and gloom. It’s not a rose-tinted view either. I was happy at times… whenever I was excited. I shared a house with friends and we threw the odd party; Eurovision, New Year, even Shakespeare’s birthday, because, why not?! We looked forward to Sunday roasts together. Late nights playing board games in the kitchen. Getting in from a dismal day at work knowing we’d veg out and watch Friends. Even though we felt like failures most of the time, we did get excited about daft things which made us hap-py.

Excitement chops and changes throughout our lives. Children light up at the mention of their birthday, the thought of cake and presents, even if their birthday is months away. For adults, we might get excited about a cup of tea, especially after a long day. In both instances, there is genuine happiness. It’s not inside the physical gift or inside the tea bag, but it’s the way we feel surrounding it. Instead of choosing to view being happy as a continuous state, we should recognise when we’re excited and acknowledge that in the moment, we are happy.

Think about how excited you might get for something like a much-needed holiday. For me, in the weeks leading up my trip, I am buzzing at the thought of it. When work feels stressful or the weather dampens my mood, I envision the place I’m going to and feel better. I book a mani-pedi. I take extra care of my skin and hair, wanting to feel great when I’m away. I research the latest bestsellers for a beach read. This excitement puts me into a general happy state. My life might not be bursting with all things I’d once thought would “make me happy” but I am a happy person because I am so giddy and excited for something.

The same feelings can be replicated for smaller things too; catching up with a friend who feeds your soul, going to a see a concert or theatre show, buying new shoes, eating a bar of chocolate or getting your favourite takeaway that night. When you’re thinking about these segments of enjoyment, you can’t help but get excited about them. You might be stuck in the most awful meeting at work but knowing you have that hot date lined up for later takes the edge off and gives you an inner glow. Even if that date is with your PJs and your sofa!

I used to be cynical about the whole “Friday Feeling” when I was younger. It made me cringe that so many people would “live for the weekend” and bounce around like Tigger at work on Fridays because their office had implemented a “fun” rule like, wearing jeans. I wanted to strive to never feel like that; who wants to live for the weekend when you could live for every day? However, this was unrealistic and I learnt that I’d been putting huge expectations upon myself. I wasn’t happy at all, never mind for three days out of seven. There’s nothing wrong with getting excited about a Friday, anticipating that relaxed vibe in the workplace and loving your weekends. That’s three whole days of excitement, which is better than crawling through seven days of misery where you’re under pressure to find something to make you happy ALL the time. Being in the camp of non-conventional working hours, I realised that I could get excited for any particular day of the week, perhaps a Wednesday when meeting an old mate for dinner, and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t on cloud nine every single day. What mattered was being excited for… stuff. It keeps us going. I just asked my husband what he’s excited about, and he said, “Watching Narcos tonight and ordering a pizza.” He’s going to have the TV all to himself while I go out with friends. He looked genuinely happy, a little glowy buzz around him.

It can be overwhelming when you’re expected to be full of positivity leading up to weddings, birthdays, new babies and moving house. But all of these big events can be clouded with much stress and uncertainty, despite you once believing that having them would make you happy. Instead, embrace the moment you get to eat that piece of cake with a warm cup of tea and enjoy how it feels in the mini build up to making it happen. Choose the simple pleasures that trigger your version of excitement. Now…where’s the remote?

// Hayley Doyle