There’s nothing quite as fascinating as other people’s finances is there?
And even more fascinating are the finances of couples.
What seems completely bizarre to one couple works great for another, and vice versa.
I’ve seen couples married for twenty years who wouldn’t dream of a joint bank account and still divvy up the bill at the end of a meal, while others around them cringe. And then I’ve seen other couples where despite one person earning quadruple what their partner does, everything is put into one shared pot, in a ‘what’s mine is yours’ display of togetherness.
There are no hard and fast rules about whether you should have a joint bank account. Whether it works for a couple will depend a lot on the relationship dynamic.
I hate to admit that despite it not being 1957, I was that person whose name was on a lot of joint bank accounts during my marriage, ones I naively had no access to or clue what was in them or what they were used for. Mid split and post divorce I had to do a hell of a lot of backtracking and soul searching as to why I had been so gung-ho about finances, and how they can become so tied up with a partner.
Before you sign up to a joint bank account with a partner, here are some questions you might like to ask yourself:
● What are the advantages?
Perhaps you both have busy lives and the constant splitting of expenses is a drain on your time and energy. A joint bank account is a way to keep track of what you’re both spending and can cut out the need for calculating and splitting payments as they arise. You’ll both be able to see where the money is going and when. It’s fully transparent and technically means you should be able to account for every penny that enters or leaves the account.
● What are the disadvantages?
Hmmm… don’t assume this next part is a typo: It’s fully transparent and technically means you should be able to account for every penny that enters or leaves the account.
That’s right; the advantages and disadvantages are kind of the same, it all depends what type of partner you’re sharing the account with. If it’s the kind of person who’s going to ring you incessantly while you’re at work to ask you “What was that £7 you just spent in Marks and Spencer?”, you maybe don’t want full transparency.
A joint account, in the wrong hands, is not really joint, and could be used as a means of financial control.
● What are your partner's ‘money morals’?
Research shows that the messages we receive about money in childhood can become embedded and very fixed. If your partner has been brought up to believe that it’s necessary to save a certain amount each month sacrificing any niceties or treats in order to meet that amount, whilst you have been raised to live for the day and enjoy money while you’ve got it, you could find there are some battles ahead when the monthly statement arrives.
Try and get on the same page about how your joint account will be used before you open it.
● Could you use the joint account only for very specific things?
A joint account doesn’t mean you need to be fully financially transparent with your partner, if that for any reason makes you uncomfortable. Lots of couples use a joint account just to cover their essential outgoings. So you could agree what each of your contribution will be towards mortgage and bills and put that in the joint account, keeping the rest of your salaries in your own personal accounts.
It gets trickier to keep finances separate if you have kids of course. I have a close friend who earns substantially more than her husband but they put everything they earn in a joint account which covers all the family outgoings, then they each then ‘pay themselves’ the same amount each month which is theirs to spend on what they please.
● Will it make you happier?
Evidence published in 2023 in the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that couples who wholly pool their money together stay together longer and have more successful relationships. Yet more than ever the trend with Millenials and Gen X’s is that they retain their financial independence and don’t share bank accounts.
Again I think this is entirely down to the couple. It’s not the joint bank account which causes rows in your relationship; it’s potentially how it’s used by one or both parties and how that conflicts with the other parties views and money morals.
Ultimately having some degree of financial autonomy from one's partner has been proven to be best for mental health and self-esteem.
I guess my overarching piece of advice, from someone who learned to become financially astute the hard way, is… be savvy. Joint account or no joint account.
Educate yourself on all the joint finances, rather than just thinking about the part you have control over. That includes pensions, savings, stocks and shares, mortgages, inheritances, all income and expenditure. Keep logins and statements and check regularly.
There’s something very British in the notion that asking about money is crass. And it is… if you ask a stranger at a dinner party how much they just paid for their home. But when it comes to asking about the finances which effect your own and your children’s futures; there’s nothing crass about it. Knowledge is power.
// Sarah Lawton
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