The Subtle Art Of Telling People You Need Alone Time

Here’s how to let go of the need to please others and start putting yourself first.

There I was, standing in the queue waiting to go down the world’s tallest water slide at Atlantis Aquaventure Waterpark. It was awfully early on a Sunday, my friends (all of them over 35 years old) couldn’t wait for their turn—each more excited than the other.

As I looked down at the freakishly tall slide and tried to tune out the sound of children screaming in amusement, the words I told my husband the night before came flooding back: “I need some me time.”

The lifeguard waved at me to come and sit on the edge of the slide. I crossed my arms and legs, pushed myself forward, closed my eyes, and wished I had been honest with my friends.

In case you couldn’t already tell, I struggle with letting others know I need time to myself. It feels greedy—as if I have to request other people’s permission to enjoy my own company.

There are plenty of studies on the topic. Research shows that society often frames solitude negatively, associating it with loneliness or social rejection rather than self-care.

A study from the University of Michigan found that media portrayals even depict solitude as harmful, which can make people feel guilty or ashamed for wanting time alone (ahem, I can relate).

// The importance of alone time

Spending time alone can lead to relaxation, independence, and emotional recharge, according to Scott Campbell’s Research.

The same study warns that extreme isolation can negatively impact well-being. So, what’s the difference?

Solitude is a voluntary state — it’s when you choose to be alone for self-reflection and relaxation (what I wished I had done instead of sliding down a 200-metre long slide).

Isolation, on the other hand, is often involuntary and can lead to feelings of loneliness, distress, and social disconnection. It’s also a common sign of poor mental health according to experts.

If all you need is a few minutes, hours, or a day to yourself, you’re craving solitude. If you’re usually alone and decline any form of social interaction, you might be isolated. Speaking to a therapist is a better idea in this case.

// How to communicate it to others

The first thing you need to know is you’re not asking for permission — you’re informing those around you that you need some self-care time. Here are a few ways to do it clearly and politely.

To your spouse/partner: “I want to be fully present when we're together. Taking time for myself helps me give you my best.”

When talking to your spouse or partner, focus on being both clear and reassuring. This is a positive way to let them know what you need.

To children: “I will take a little time-out and come back soon, then we can do something fun together!”

Setting boundaries with children can feel tricky, but the key is consistency and warmth. Let them know it’s not because of anything they did, but something you need to feel good.

To family members abroad: “I’m taking some time for myself today. I might not respond right away, but I’ll definitely check in when I can.”

As expats living in Dubai, we’re no strangers to catch-up calls with parents, WhatsApp group chats, and the constant need to stay online. Taking time for ourselves while living away from family can sometimes stir up feelings of guilt.

It’s important to communicate openly—letting your loved ones know you're okay while expressing your need for space. You can also suggest a catch-up the following day.

To friends: ”I’m setting aside some time for myself today. Let’s plan for another time!”

Feel free to be specific about a day or time that works for you, or suggest to meet them later that day if you feel like it. You’ll be surprised to know I’ve said this a few times after that day at the waterpark—and everyone was perfectly fine with it.

To co-workers: “I need a solo lunch/fresh air to come back energised. I’ll be back soon.”

If a co-worker asks to come with you, let them know that you would prefer to have this time to yourself to decompress. Bonus points if you don’t look at your phone unless it’s an emergency.

Self-care is more than manicures and massages—it’s about carving out small windows each day to reconnect with yourself. While you might not be able to go more than a day without human interaction, it’s essential to make the most of the small pockets of time that you do have.

Listen to music on your drive to the office, go on a walk at lunchtime, wake up 10 minutes earlier to make the most of the peace and quiet, and most importantly, never apologise for needing time alone.

// Emiliana D'Andrea, corporate copywriter and journalist