The Psychology Behind Main Character Energy

// Stepping Into the Spotlight

“Main character energy” started as a TikTok phrase, but it’s grown into something bigger: the idea of living as if you’re the central figure in your own story. At first glance, it’s liberating. Stop shrinking. Stop playing a background role in someone else’s life. Claim your own narrative.

As a psychologist, I see why it resonates so strongly, especially with younger people. At its best, it’s about agency, self-respect, and boundaries. I watch clients’ faces light up when I tell them they’re allowed to take up space in their own lives. For many, that’s not a given.

But here’s the thing: like most cultural ideas, this one is a double-edged sword. Yes, it empowers. But it can also weigh people down with new pressures.

// The Pressure to Perform

Think about how social media works. Your feed is full of highlight reels: career wins, vacations, and polished couples. On days when your life doesn’t look like that, and let’s be honest, that’s most days, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at being the “main character”.

Psychologically, that gap between your real self and your online self has a cost. From a clinical perspective, we call this cognitive dissonance: the gap between who you really are and the polished version you present. Over time, that gap erodes self-esteem. When you’re already struggling, whether it’s failing a class, feeling invisible at work, or navigating something as real as postpartum depression, the expectation to perform as the star of your story can make the struggle heavier. Instead of relief, you get shame layered on top. This intensifies feelings of inadequacy.

// Healthy Narcissism vs Fragile Validation

The word “narcissism” is usually viewed negatively, but in psychology we also recognize “healthy narcissism”. This is described as the natural pride, self-worth, and confidence that let us grow and take risks. In its best form, main character energy taps into this. It says: you matter.

But there’s a fine line. When self-worth depends on how others respond by likes and comments, validation becomes fragile. You look confident on the outside but feel empty without approval. That cycle can quietly fuel anxiety, depression, or even resentment toward people who seem to be “doing it better.”

// Boundaries and Balance

One of the most important skills I teach in sessions is building boundaries. I sometimes describe them as a protective shield, like a bubble that surrounds you, something that lets you say no, step back, or rest without guilt. Boundaries keep you safe and sane.

But they can also go too far. When boundaries harden into walls, you risk slipping into hyper-independence. And if everyone insists on being the sole protagonist, connection gets lost. From a relational psychological perspective, that’s a problem. Growth doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens with the people around us, the so-called “supporting characters” who challenge, comfort, and change us.

// Beyond the Social Media Highlights

So maybe the real invitation isn’t to always be the main character. That’s impossible and exhausting. The deeper invitation is to be an authentic character. One who’s complex, vulnerable, messy at times, but steady at others.

Because the most compelling people, the ones we root for, aren’t flawless. They’re real. And that’s what makes them unforgettable.

// Dahlia Yamout from Thrive Wellbeing