If you haven’t watched the news over the past week and thought; ‘Stop the world, I want to get off’, then you’re in a higher state of Zen than the rest of us.
The leader of the free world re-writing history in front of our very eyes. And not just the kind of history which feels so far back as to be unthinkable to us. Oh no, we’re talking recent history here.
Apparently the bravest man the world has seen in decades, loved and respected by his own people, is actually a dictator. Ukraine, the country which was invaded and destroyed by Russia, it turns out; is actually the aggressor. Putin; a man that Europe has treated (rightly so) the way you’d treat a crazed toddler with a stick of lit dynamite in their sticky fingers… is very reasonable. Just wants peace… apparently. Like his top employee, President Trump.
It’s gaslighting on a global, and petrifying scale.
I’ve had many conversations with people of all political persuasions over the past week, and the common theme is fear. Our political landscape feels like the Wild West, with a pair of unhinged cowboys calling the highly unpredictable shots.
And the thing is, back in the pre TikTok and Snapchat days, we could protect our children from those fears cascading down towards them. We could speak in hushed tones, change the subject when they entered the room, tell white lies to reassure them that all was well in the world.
Now; if your kid has a phone, or access to YouTube, they’re going to see things about what is happening in the White House and in Ukraine, they’re going to watch videos and hear commentary on the prospect of war, and it is naturally going to make them anxious.
The depths of conversations you can have will depend hugely on the age of the child; mine are 7,12 and 14. You also need to take into account their temperament and maturity levels. These conversations are never going to be easy, but there are a few strategies and tips we can use to give us a head start.
1 - Explain that it’s normal to be anxious
The first thing to do with any anxiety or big emotion with a child is to listen to them and to then validate their feelings. If we minimise their worry, bat it off or change the subject; we risk them being too nervous to come to us again in the future.
Of course we don’t want to exacerbate their fears, we want to rationalise them. We want to reassure them that yes, the world feels a little off kilter at the moment, but that these scary times have come, and more importantly gone, before.
Explain that their worry for people they see in warzones shows empathy, which is the most valuable quality any of us can have. Tell them that you’re proud of them for that empathy, and proud that they’ve felt able to speak up about their concerns.
2 - Manage their social media use
There comes a time when we as adults need to draw really firm boundaries around the content we allow our children to access. Of course, this is way easier said than done. Life is busy and chaotic and often the half an hour they’re allowed on social media spirals into two hours whilst you frantically clean the house or sort out uniforms or you know; actually try and do some work yourself.
If your children are younger it’s slightly easier in that you can put settings on devices to filter out more adult content.
If your children are older it’s more tricky. It’s worth having a frank conversation with your kids about their own personal responsibility around what they watch and consume. Give them some autonomy whilst making it clear that watching upsetting content is likely to make them, well…upset. It’s also definitely important to have talks with them about getting their information from reliable sources and filtering out the scaremongering.
3 - Balance negative thoughts with positive action
This one is an age-old trick extolled by psychologists, for good reason. Our brains have in the region of 70,000 separate thoughts per day. There’s a good chance a high proportion of those will be negative, scary, unsettling. We can’t control our thoughts, but we can choose whether we believe all of them, or how we act upon them.
Doing something that feels good, when you’re feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, is a great distraction for adults and kids alike.
Encourage your kids when feeling overwhelmed to read a book, go out with friends, watch their favourite funny movie or get out in nature.
It’s very important that we as parents model that behaviour. So we can say to our kids; “I feel really stressed today, so rather than let my negative thoughts take over, I’m going to distract myself by doing some yoga, because I know I’ll feel so much better and happier if I do something I enjoy.”
4 - Help them take action to feel more in control
If you’ve got a child who is particularly distressed or empathic, they may have the urge to do something to help. Whatever you do, don’t tell them they can’t help, or that it’s a futile effort. The urge to want to help is a wonderful character trait which should be supported and nurtured.
Look into volunteering or fundraising opportunities which your child could get involved in. Children may also like to flex their political muscles and write to their local MP to ask what we as a nation are doing to help.
5 - Look for the helpers
Another oldie but a goodie. In times of turmoil, encourage your child to look for the helpers and the heroes. Talk to them about why Zelensky was so passionate about his country and why he is so respected by the citizens of Ukraine and Europe. Celebrate what he has achieved so far.
Point them in the direction of the doctors and nurses, the volunteers who have in some cases flown in from around the world, using their own funds, to help in whatever way they can.
If they are very invested in social media (and sometimes there’s little chance of reversing that addiction!), encourage them to look up vidos and content about helpers and heroes… their pesky algorithm should start to sway towards the positive.
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