My Brain Has 57 Tabs Open — and None of Them Are Loading

There was a time when I believed “busy” was a badge of honour. That a packed calendar, 43 unread WhatsApps, and a to-do list longer than a grocery receipt meant I was really doing something with my life.

Add in the sales calls, Instagram DMS, work emails with the ever-dreaded “Just circling back…”, and the kind of social life that’s 90% scheduling and 10% actual joy — and voilà: modern womanhood in all its overstimulated glory. I’m not even mentioning being a sister, friend, wife and mother here – that’s an untameable best to fight.

But here’s the thing no one warned me about: it’s not just that I’m tired. It’s that my brain is tired. And at 32, it’s not bouncing back like it used to.

The question remains – where the heck is “balance” and are we built for such a lifestyle?

// The Daily Avalanche

Let’s break it down. Wake up — already behind. Notifications start before I’ve even brushed my teeth. Someone needs a response, something needs chasing, something else is on sale for the next 2 hours only, and I haven’t even opened my inbox yet.

And when I do, it’s like a mini heart attack with every refresh. There are emails from clients, colleagues, subscriptions I forgot I signed up for, and the occasional passive-aggressive gem like, “Just checking if you saw my last email 😊.”

Somewhere in between the sixth tab on Google Chrome and the third client voice note I haven’t had time to listen to, I remember — I used to be good at this. Once upon a time, I thrived on creativity, deep focus, and actual flow. Now I just survive between pings and panic. Or was it all just LESS noise before?

// Overconnected, Underwhelmed

We are constantly plugged in, and yet, more disconnected from ourselves than ever. We scroll, swipe, like, double tap, reply with emojis because forming actual sentences feels like effort. We sit on Zoom calls while texting our teams while trying to remember what we were doing before we got distracted (again).

We’ve made “doing it all” a lifestyle, but rarely ask who we’re doing it for. 

Currently, I’m growing through life, all at once. Motherhood, work, relationships, home… it’s all happening in parallel, with very little room to pause or recalibrate.

I’m lucky to have a few incredible people around me — sisters, friends, colleagues, even fellow mums — who show up with wisdom, patience, and a genuine interest in lifting others as they climb. And that’s something we should as women all do more of, because that’s a whole mental support system we don’t even register – that helps us! Having OPTIONS of people to drop off your 1-year-old child to, to go for a 2-hour meeting on the weekend, is a true blessing!!

// Managing the Madness

Right now, I’m managing a team. I’m also managing a family. A home. Myself (on good days).

But  the noise doesn’t just live in my inbox or phone. It lives in my head.

I don’t just worry about my deadlines anymore. I’m thinking about the teams. I don’t just worry about work, I worry about my family, my child – have I been present enough yesterday? What are we gonna have for dinner? Oh, baby food is finishing, another thing to order (must remember that!).  It’s the well-being, growth and roadblocks of your child, your family, your team, your work. I’m a coach, a sounding board, a buffer, a therapist — sometimes all before lunch. I try to carve out space for deep work, but something always interrupts — a call, a crisis, a crying baby, a calendar ping.

My brain has become an open-door policy and the household’s emotional control centre.

And the wildest part? I’m doing less and less of the things I used to love most. The creative spark, the zone of flow — it’s replaced by check-ins, reschedules, admin, decision fatigue, and trying not to let anything (or anyone) fall through the cracks.

// Reclaiming Space (and Sanity)

So, where does that leave us?

I don’t have a miracle solution. I still check my phone as I head to the car, leaving for work, instead of enjoying the blazing coffee in my hand. Still have a dozen tabs open. Still forget what I walked into a room to do. But I’ve started making peace with the idea that not every message/alert/call deserves a reply. Those unread emails won’t kill me (if I don’t reply within an hour). That some tabs are meant to be closed, especially the ones in my head

And most importantly, I’m trying to replace “busy” with boundaried.

Because in a world that won’t stop shouting at me from every screen around, choosing silence—even just for a moment—has its own kind of power. Oh, and I’m officially a no-social-media-on-one-weekend kind of girl now!