How to (Politely) Avoid Someone: A Fun Guide to Mastering the Art of the Escape

We've all been there: you’re at a party, an event, or a random coffee shop, and there they are, the one person you just don’t want to talk to. Maybe it’s the ex who just won’t take the hint, the acquaintance who’s a little too chatty, or the person who insists on telling you their entire life story.

Whatever the case, we’re here to help you navigate those tricky moments with grace and humour. Here’s your lighthearted guide to avoiding someone without looking like you’re running away from a bear (because, let’s face it, that would be awkward).

1. Perfect Your “I’m-Not-Here” Technique

One of the most effective ways to avoid someone is to not be where they expect you to be. Sounds simple, right? If you know they’re heading to the snack table at the party, make a quick escape to the opposite side of the room. You’re not avoiding them, you’re just strategically occupying another part of the venue. If they don’t see you, they can’t talk to you. It’s like a ninja move, but with less flipping and more subtlety.

Top Tip: Avoid looking directly at them as they approach, and try to blend in with a group of people. It's like playing hide and seek, but with a little more adulting involved.

2. Master the “Accidental” Phone Check

Ah, the trusty phone. It’s always in your pocket, ready to help you escape any social situation. When you spot the person coming toward you, casually check your phone, like you just got an urgent text from your bestie (or a meme that can’t wait to be seen). Look intensely at your screen, like the world depends on it. This gives the illusion that you’re deeply engrossed in something important, and it might buy you enough time to avoid that awkward conversation.

Top Tip: Don’t make the mistake of answering your phone. It’s a dead giveaway that you're trying to escape. Just pretend like you’re reading a riveting email from work. No one wants to interrupt that.

3. The “Bathroom Break” Escape

This classic move is a crowd-pleaser for a reason. Everyone needs a bathroom break, right? So when you spot that person approaching, casually excuse yourself and head toward the restroom like your bladder is about to explode. (It’s all about the urgency.) If you're feeling bold, you can even say something like, “Oh, I really need to use the bathroom, but let’s catch up later!” It’s a quick and painless getaway.

Top Tip: Don't make a beeline for the bathroom like you’re running a marathon. A subtle, nonchalant exit is key. The goal is to look like you're just heading to the restroom, not fleeing the scene like a character in an action movie.

4. Find an Excuse That’s So Good, They’ll Believe It

If you’re truly caught in a corner, a polite excuse can be your best friend. Come up with a reason to exit the conversation that’s plausible and nonchalant. “Oh, I promised I’d check on my friend, I’ll be right back!” or “I need to grab a drink from the bar, catch you later!” These are foolproof and won’t leave you looking like you’ve just dodged a bullet. Just don’t go overboard or get too dramatic. Subtlety is key.

Top Tip: If you’ve used the same excuse more than once in a night, you might need to get more creative. Try mixing it up with an “I just saw someone I need to say hi to” or “I’ve got to step outside for a breath of fresh air.”

5. The “Join a Group” Strategy

If all else fails, joining a group of people is your best bet. By inserting yourself into a larger conversation, it’s less likely that someone will single you out. Just make sure it’s a group you actually want to be part of - no one likes that awkward moment when you realize you’ve jumped into the wrong conversation (like, say, the one where everyone’s discussing a niche hobby you know absolutely nothing about). Just stand there, nod along, and pretend to be part of the discussion. It’s like blending into the background, but with more talking and fewer spy moves.

Top Tip: You don’t need to be the centre of the group’s attention—just be present enough so that the person trying to approach you sees you’re already “busy.”

6. The “I’m-Too-Tired” Approach

Sometimes, it’s okay to admit you’re not feeling social. You don’t need to be a social butterfly at every event. If you’re just too tired or need some personal space, you can subtly let people know that you're not in the mood for a chat. A quick, “I’ve had a long day, I’m just going to take a breather for a bit” works wonders. You’re not avoiding anyone, you're just doing what’s best for your mental health!

Top Tip: Keep your body language open and relaxed, not closed off or defensive. That way, you’re not coming across as rude, just needing a moment of peace.

7. Use Your “Buddy System”

If all else fails, enlist a friend to help you avoid the unwanted interaction. The buddy system is like your personal bodyguard for social situations. The best part? If your friend is in on the plan, they can help you steer the conversation away or provide an excuse for you to step away. If you're feeling particularly bold, you can even do the classic, “Oh, I’ve got to go talk to [Insert Name Here], you know, the one who’s been looking for me all night?” and swoop in for the rescue.

Top Tip: Make sure your friend knows the plan before the event. You don’t want to be caught off guard while they’re looking at you like, “Wait, what’s going on?”

Avoiding someone doesn’t have to be stressful or mean-spirited, It’s all about finding a polite, easy way to handle the situation. Whether you use the "I’m not here" technique, sneak off to the bathroom, or just join a group, the key is to keep it cool and fun. Remember, everyone needs a break from socializing every once in a while, so don’t feel bad about taking a step back when you need to.

And hey, if all else fails, just smile and say, “I’ll catch up with you later,” and gracefully make your exit. Everyone will be too impressed with your poise to even notice you dodged them like a pro!