How to Be Okay With Not Having a Relationship with a Sibling (And Why It's Totally Fine)

Ah, family. It's supposed to be all love, support, and sibling rivalry, right? But sometimes, despite the shared childhood memories, inherited quirks, and genetic ties, not every sibling relationship turns into a lifelong bond. And guess what? That’s totally okay. In fact, it’s more common than you think.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why don’t I have a closer relationship with my sibling?” or “Why can’t we just get along?”- don’t fret! You’re not alone.

Here’s how to be at peace with not having a close relationship with your sibling and why you don’t need to feel guilty about it.

1. Remember, Siblinghood Isn’t a One-Size-Fits-All Thing

The media and those cute family Christmas card photos often paint the picture of siblings being best friends, growing up to be each other’s lifelong support systems. But the reality is, sibling relationships are as varied as the individuals themselves. Some siblings are practically inseparable, while others barely speak. And that’s okay!

Not every sibling bond is destined to be the stuff of sitcoms or Instagram posts. People grow up differently, have different interests, and sometimes, shockingly, have different personalities. Embrace the fact that your relationship (or lack thereof) is unique to you, and there’s no "right" way to do it.

2. It’s Okay to Outgrow People, Even Family

As you evolve and change throughout your life, you might find that you no longer have much in common with your sibling. That’s part of growing up! Maybe you’ve gone down different life paths or had experiences that led you in opposite directions. The person you were as a teenager might not be the same person you are as an adult, and neither is your sibling.

Just because you don’t connect the way you once did doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a sibling. Sometimes, people grow apart, and that’s simply part of life’s journey.

3. Boundaries Are Healthy - Even With Family

Sometimes, the reason you’re not close with your sibling isn’t because you dislike them, but because you need to set boundaries for your own well-being. Maybe there’s been a history of drama, or perhaps certain behaviours or dynamics are unhealthy for you. That’s where boundaries come into play.

Don’t feel guilty for maintaining distance or limiting your interactions if it helps preserve your peace of mind. You don’t need to be best friends with your sibling to show you care or to be a good family member.

4. Blood Isn’t Always Thicker Than Water

The old saying goes, “Blood is thicker than water,” implying that family relationships should be stronger than friendships or romantic relationships. But let’s be real, sometimes your friends or chosen family are the ones who truly “get” you. And that’s totally okay.

Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you owe your sibling the same closeness you might feel with a best friend or significant other. The people you feel supported by, who bring out the best in you, and who genuinely understand you are the ones who matter most. If your sibling isn’t part of that equation, that’s life.

5. No One’s Relationship Is Perfect

Maybe you look at other families and think, “Why can’t I have a relationship like that?” Newsflash: No one’s relationship is perfect. What might seem like a picture-perfect sibling bond is often just the highlight reel. Every relationship has its ups and downs, especially those with family members who might know exactly how to push your buttons. So, don't be fooled into thinking everyone else has it figured out.

And if there’s friction between you and your sibling, remember that no relationship is static. People can grow, change, and rebuild their connections, even if it takes time. But if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. Not all relationships need to be constantly evolving to be meaningful.

6. Focus on What You Do Have

If the relationship with your sibling isn't as close as you'd like it to be, don’t spend all your energy mourning what’s missing. Focus on the relationships in your life that do bring you joy and fulfillment. You may have an amazing circle of friends, a fantastic partner, or even strong bonds with other family members who lift you up.

Sometimes, it’s helpful to remind yourself that while your sibling might not be your go-to person, there are other people who are, and that’s perfectly valid.

7. It’s Okay to Not Feel Guilty

Here’s the hard truth: You don’t owe anyone a close relationship, even if they’re family. If you’ve done your best to maintain a bond with your sibling and it hasn’t worked out, it’s not your fault. Relationships are a two-way street. If they’re not reciprocating the effort, it’s perfectly acceptable to step back and focus on your own well-being.

Stop feeling guilty for not having a “perfect” sibling bond. Your emotional energy is yours to protect and invest where it makes sense for you.

8. Grieve the Relationship, If You Need To

If you’ve had a close relationship with your sibling that’s since become strained or distant, it’s okay to grieve the loss of that connection. It’s normal to feel sadness, frustration, or disappointment over the way things turned out. Acknowledging your feelings can help you process the situation and ultimately find peace with it.

Remember: It’s completely normal to mourn the idea of what could have been, even if you’ve accepted the reality of the situation.

At the end of the day, not every sibling relationship is meant to be a lifelong, inseparable bond. And that’s completely fine! It doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure as a sibling. Family dynamics are complicated, and sometimes, people grow apart.

What matters most is that you honour your own needs, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate the relationships that make you feel loved and supported. So if you’re not close with your sibling, don’t sweat it - you’re doing just fine.

And hey, just remember: You don’t have to be their best friend to still be their family. That’s a win in itself.