Honest Parenting // 5 Things To Know About Being A Girl Mum

I always knew I wanted to be a mum, but the gender of the children never really bothered me. The focus was mostly on whether it would happen at all and, if it did, that the baby was happy and healthy, not whether it was male or female. As it would turn out, I’m only capable of making mini versions of myself, having gone from having no children to three girls in under 4 years.

This was nine years ago now, and as I prepare for my eldest daughter to turn 9 (not sure how I've been a mum for nearly a decade), I've been reflecting on what it feels like to be a mum of girls. I can't give the most diverse view on this, given that I’m not and will never be a mum of a boy (that ship has sailed!), but when it comes to being a mum of girls, I've got that covered. I think.

So, as a mum of girls, what can we teach our next generation…

// You are their role model

This is the one that comes with the most pressure. We're not flawless, and it can be difficult to be a constant good role model, especially when you are having a bad day or lose your temper (we all do it), but the importance of being a role model shouldn’t be underestimated. She is watching everything you do; she's not listening, she learns by absorbing far more than you think through what you do, than what you say. This comes in many different forms, such as her kindness, her general confidence, her healthy boundaries, and her ability to express herself.

Being a role model doesn't mean being perfect in every way or constantly striving for the best. Instead, it's about complete honesty. Being her model emotionally, admitting mistakes, apologizing, and expressing your feelings shows her the strength and vulnerability that comes with being female. It's okay not to be perfect; in fact, it's very important to show that as women, we do struggle on a day-to-day basis.  

Role modelling also comes in the form of how you treat other people around you, whether that's the people within your family or anyone that you encounter, such as a waitress in a restaurant or a shop assistant. The way we treat everybody gives them the role modelling on how they should behave as they grow up. The way you behave as a couple within your relationship, your communication, respect, and love, and how you resolve conflicts is something that she will be absorbing and model for herself in the future.

If something scares you, don't be afraid to let them know that. Showing that we as adults can also take on situations that make us feel uncomfortable is a very important life lesson for them. It gives them the empowerment and confidence to take on tasks and take risks, along with speaking up.

// Body Image

The other day, my daughter described her new teacher as ‘fat’. I have to say I was a bit taken aback and wondered if I had been doing something wrong. But since the moment they've been born, I've been extremely strict on not using that word around the house. I never put myself down in front of them. I speak positively about people's bodies and explain to the girls that everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. But unfortunately, the role modelling I do about my body image is not the only thing they're impacted by. She has been hearing this word in class or somewhere else externally. That I can't do much about, but what you can do is ensure you are always a positive role model when it comes to your body image when you are around them.

A scary statistic I read the other day said that on average, teenage girls today are exposed to approximately 10,000 images daily through social media platforms, including TikTok and Instagram. Constant influx of images and the unrealistic portrayal of beauty for women has a huge impact on girls' perception of their bodies from a very early age. Research has indicated that approximately 40% of teenagers report that images seen on social media have caused them to worry about their body image. The scariest part of this is that most of the images shown now are either created through AI or have been used through a photo filter or an editing tool, exacerbating this issue.

So, what does this mean and how can we do our bit? Don't get on the scales in front of them. Don't be pinching that little bit of skin on the side and calling yourself fat. Don't hide away from photos or pick your photos apart. Try as best as possible to suppress those niggling thoughts and talk as positively about yourself as you can. Just imagine your daughter talking negatively about themselves when they are older, we need to break this cycle.

// Break the stereotype

Whenever I bump into people with my three girls, one of the most common comments is, "Oh, aren't they so beautiful and cute and calm." If you knew how my children are, that would not be the first thing you say to me. I remember everyone saying how calm girls are and how crazy and manic boys are, a stereotype we still seem to be sticking to. But do we need to be upholding this stereotype that girls should be quiet and submissive, and boys are allowed to take up all the space with a voice that matters?

No, I can categorically say that not one of my children is a submissive, quiet girl type. They're more than happy to speak up about what matters to them and break that stereotype when it comes to what women often ‘have to be’.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a feminist (in the extreme sense of the word). I don't go around shouting from the rooftops that women rule the world and that men suck. But I certainly do have the attitude that if you want to do something, you can do it. Whether it is seen as a male or female role. Times are changing, and we need to embrace this for our next generation.

// Body Boundaries

Something I feel very passionate about, and think is extremely important, is teaching the women in your life the importance of body boundaries. I've been talking about this from an early age with my children, not only about their body boundaries but also about other people's. It's explaining that their body belongs to them, and no one has the right to touch it without permission. Reinforcing that they need to respect other people's space is also of the same importance.

Something else that comes with body boundaries can be a slightly tricker conversation is using the correct name for body parts. This is not only important for them to understand their own body, but if they ever need to communicate clearly any kind of issues related to their body, it's very important, they can discuss those with the correct names.

// What a healthy relationship looks like

Teaching children what a healthy relationship looks like is the foundation for not only their future relationships but also their friendships from an early age. It shows them how to treat others and how they should expect to be treated. This doesn't mean that we must have the ‘perfect relationship’ or never have arguments in front of our children. Often this can be something that we teach them without knowing, showing them, conflict is normal, but disagreements happen, and healthy relationships work through them with respect.