Honest Mum Life // I Chose to Stay Home… and Still Felt Lost

If you have the option to be a stay at home mum or a career mum, count yourself lucky. Some of us don’t have that luxury. But… is it really luck?

I had the choice. And I chose to stay home.

For nearly ten years, I was there, at every milestone, every moment, every scraped knee and school activity. I watched my husband’s career grow, supported him every step of the way, while mine sat quietly in the background, gathering dust. I loved my babies fiercely, but as someone who once lived and breathed her career, a quiet void started to grow in me.

It’s a strange kind of guilt, the one that creeps in when you have everything you thought you ever wanted. A beautiful family, a loving home… and yet, a small voice inside that keeps whispering, "But what about you?"

I wrestled with it constantly. Should I go back to work? Would I be a worse mother for wanting that?Would I fail at both: at being a mum and having a job?

The truth is, I wanted more. Not instead of my family, never instead, but something alongside them. I needed to feel like me again.

So, I took the leap but carefully. I chose a more flexible, administrative job, thinking it would be easier to balance with family life. But don’t be fooled, returning to work after a long gap was anything but easy. My kids’ schedules were bursting at the seams, swimming galas, cheerleading competitions, basketball games, netball matches, aquathons, you name it. And suddenly, I couldn’t be at every single one.

Then one day, my daughter said something that stopped me cold: "You never do anything with us anymore."

It hit me like a brick. That all too familiar mum guilt came rushing back. Here I was, finally doing something for myself but now I was failing them?

This new reality was messier than I expected. It wasn’t the perfect balance I’d imagined; it was a constant negotiation between two parts of myself, both of which I deeply loved. But in that tension, I’ve learned something important: we can’t pour from an empty cup.

To any mum reading this who feels like I did, torn, tired, guilty, and a little bit lost, please don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone. Talk to other mums. Talk to your partner. Talk to your children. Let them know how you feel. Let them help you. Let them see you not just as “Mum,” but as a woman who still has dreams and purpose beyond the home.

It’s not selfish. It’s survival. And it might just be the thing that makes you a happier, more fulfilled version of the incredible mum you already are.