Holidaying As A Single Parent

Of all the scary firsts when you become a single parent, I think taking the kids abroad on your own, is the one which filled me with the most anxiety.

After years of having another pair of hands and another pair of eyes there to keep control of the little blighters, it can feel really daunting to suddenly be outnumbered. It’s not just the crackers airport behaviour I’m talking about (please tell me I’m not the only one whose kids suddenly go completely feral as soon as you join the check-in queue?), it’s the admin.

The bookings, the tickets, the boarding passes, the check-in desk, the passports, the transfer bus/taxi,… even thinking about that list gives me heart palpitations.

Also; I had thought to myself, wouldn’t it be really lonely to have no adult company the whole time? And wouldn’t the kids feel sad looking around at all the perfect 2.4 children families with a Mum and a Dad?

But what’s the alternative? I have always absolutely loved holidaying with my kids and although funds are way tighter post-divorce and those holidays are definitely going to be fewer and farther between; I still want to have them.

In June I bit the bullet and took my kids to Disneyland Paris. As we approach August I’m still sat here patting myself on the back about what a roaring success the trip was. Seriously, I expected it to be a week of manic stress and anxiety and since it wasn’t, I want to spread the word that holidaying as a single parent really wasn’t that bad. In fact it was great!

Here are my top tips for making your first solo holiday with the kids a success.

● Cheat if you can

So the first tip is not so much a tip, as a cheat. I took two of my three kids away whilst the third one was already away on a school trip. I did this a) because it was cheaper and b) because I knew it would be easier to only have to manage fights between two of them instead of three. If you know, you know. Similar cheats for you would be to go at the same time/place as you know friends or family are already going. That way you can break up your week by having a day trip with them if that’s feasible.

There are also a few specialist companies who offer organised trips for single parents and their kids, choose from all-inclusive luxury in the Canary Islands to farm-stays and activity holidays in the UK. So you’re single parent-holidaying but not alone! A quick google search will give you plenty options.

● Go somewhere different

Although it would’ve been much easier for me to take the kids to a place I was familiar with (no stress about finding the local shop or pharmacy which you always seem to need when holidaying with kids!), I really felt like we needed to make new memories with each other, not revisit old ones. My ex took them to the same resort we’d been to for our very last family holiday before the split, and my middle child in particular really struggled with me not being there, in all the places I’d been exactly a year earlier.

No. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and go somewhere completely new. It’s time for you and your crew to have new adventures together.

● Manage expectations ahead of the trip

If the standard of your holiday is changing drastically now you’re doing it solo, talk to your children about that ahead of time. Let them know you’re on a budget and it might not be limitless ice creams and coca cola but it will still be limitless fun. It’s a good lesson for them to learn about managing money and remember that some of your own fondest memories in childhood will be about experiences which cost nothing.

Think ahead about savvy ways to budget, use discount codes for restaurants and attractions. And take packed lunches wherever you can!

● Do your research

If you’re a control freak in your day to day life, holidays might have been traditionally the time that you switch off and relax. Well; I have news for you. As a single parent on holiday, solely responsible for the organisation of everything (as well as solely responsible for keeping the kids alive), you might not get to zone out quite so much.

To minimise your state of high alert on holiday, make sure you do lots of research at home before you go. Check that any daytrips or places you’re visiting are kid-friendly. Now is not the time my friends to be flying by the seat of your pants. Have a clear itinerary and a good idea of how you’re going to get from place to place; waiting at a bus stop in 30 degree heat for an hour is zero fun and you will end up paying over the odds for a taxi. Take it from someone who’s been there.

● Check, check and check again

I’m not gonna lie; the anxiety I experienced in the run up to Paris was off the scale. Was the taxi I had booked (I had booked it hadn’t I!?) going to turn up on time? Did I have the passports? Were they all going to meet the stringent new post-Brexit rules about dates of issue and expiry? Would the digital boarding cards load on the airport wifi? And WHAT IF I LOST MY PHONE AND HAD NO BOARDING PASSES FULL STOP?

What if we went to the wrong terminal and missed the transfer bus? What if we arrived at the hotel and they had no record of our booking and no spare rooms?

My tip for managing this spiral is to put aside an hour the day before, get a good (preferably calm) friend to come over and literally walk yourself slowly through each stage of the journey. Let them check the passports/boarding passes/bookings for you and set your mind at rest.

So the holiday is over and now comes the good part. No; that’s not a typo. There really is a good part to come after the holiday is over, when you’re back at home sorting out washing and preparing to get back to the chaos of work/school etc. The really good part is when you realise that you did it! You actually did it, on your own. The pride you’ll feel will be immense. You’ll feel like Beyonce and TayTay all rolled into one believe me.

Especially if you have been in the situation where in the past you were told you couldn’t do things, couldn’t be trusted, would muck everything up. That type of dialogue sinks in until you actually believe it about yourself doesn’t it?

Well would you look at that..? Turns out you mucked nothing up. Sure, it’ll be stressy and messy like just about everything is with kids. But it’ll also be beautiful. And more empowering than you ever guessed it would be.