Have Yourself A Competitive Little Christmas

Ahhh Christmas. A time of peace and goodwill to all men. A time for overindulging and spending time with those we love. A time for giving and receiving.

And also it seems; a time for posting about what you give on social media, and humble-bragging about it for all the world to see.

Now as I’ve said many times here before; I absolutely adore Christmas. It’s the time of year that really does make me feel more warm and loving and patient to everyone. So why is it that I’ve been a bit twitchy these past couple of weeks? Well; I think it’s because the true spirit of Christmas seems to have gotten a bit misconstrued. We’ve all somehow ended up running a race which we did not choose to enter.

This competitive Christmassing is the absolute worst thing about the festive season. And as we hurtle towards the big day, it shows no sign of letting up. Either on the socials or in real life. Forgive me if I take off the tinsel for a minute and dissect what’s really going on here.

The biggest bugbear of mine is the pile of gifts photographed especially for social media and posted on Christmas Eve. It’s the Crimbo-crime that really pushes my buttons.

Having grown up in a household which was short on money but not on love, I’m glad my Mum didn’t have to parent young kids in this day and age. Now in my own skint single-mother-era, I can tell you it’s zero fun opening up your Instagram to see perfectly curated photos with ginormous piles of gifts for each child all set out on Christmas Eve.

Seriously, who started this trend? It’s crass, it’s unnecessary and I’m sure makes most people uncomfortable. Comparison is the thief of joy so they say, yet it’s impossible when it comes to our treasured kids not to look at those photos and not make comparisons. Have they got enough? Should I have spent more? Will they be disappointed?

Same goes for in-person discussions about kids’ gifts. I’ve stood on the side of football pitches for the last month hearing parents ‘complain’ loudly about all the expensive luxury items they’ve simply had to buy their kids this Christmas. As a Brit, I thought we had the reputation of being a bit tightlipped and super polite when talking about money? Can we channel a bit of that class again before it’s too late? Nobody needs to know that you bought little Jimmy £200 trainers love. In fact, we think you’re a mug; they’ll be kicked to bits on the first day.

And it’s not just the presents parents get all Sports-Day level competitive over. Oh no; it’s also the trips to pantomimes, the Elf on the flipping shelf, the visits to Winter Wonderlands, the Polar Express trains… the list is endless; even moreso if your budget is quite the opposite.

I sat down at a soft play party last week next to a seemingly normal looking woman. Blonde, pretty, nicely dressed but not flashy. You’ve got the vibe yes?

We exchanged about thirty seconds of pleasantries about how chilly it had suddenly become and which kid was ours. And then my friends; she went in.

It started subtly enough… “We’re off to see Santa tomorrow. Have you been already this year?”

I replied that no, we hadn’t yet. And in fact we weren’t at all. My eldest two no longer believe and my youngest is suspicious so I figure the less fake Santa’s he sees, the more chance there is he’ll believe there’s a real one.

Her face was an absolute picture. She looked at me as if I’d said I wasn’t going to feed him in December. She then proceeded to take me through the four (yes four) separate trips to meet Santa which she had planned in for the following month. There was brunch with Santa, which she’d booked in January but he was the most expensive and sought after Santa in the area apparently. There was storytime with Santa, there was a Santa photoshoot… and the piece de resistance… a Santa she had hired to creep around her back garden on Christmas Eve so the kids could ‘catch him’.

She was a gold standard competitive Christmas parent. Possibly needed to go and have a spa day or just breathe into a brown paper bag in a cupboard somewhere…

But it’s not just her. Perfectly sane lovely Mum friends of mine are absolutely bankrupting themselves trying to make sure their kids experience every festive event on offer. Babes; by the time it gets to Christmas Day you’re going to be face down crying into (or asleep on top of) the turkey. That’s if you’ve got any money left to buy one.

So how can we all step off the start line and admit that Christmas is not in fact a competition. It’s something to be enjoyed at our own pace in our own sweet way?

Psychologist Dr Chris MacGregor says parents describe feelings of guilt and pressure that their children will receive less valuable gifts than their peers. And it’s not just for their children; they also feel like they need to buy extravagant presents for their parents to thank them for helping with childcare etc. Since Covid, when Christmas was effectively cancelled for many people, MacGregor says there’s an increasing feeling of having to do more, see more and experience more at times like Christmas, since we all feel like we had so much social time taken away from us.

And it’s this disparity between what we feel we should be doing, and the reality of what we can afford to do and have time to do, which can lead to feelings of total overwhelm.

MacGregor suggests that we need to start reflecting on our own relationship with gifts. Do we equate the amount a person loves us with the frequency with which they give us gifts, and the monetary value of those gifts? If we do it’s not because we’re a bad person but perhaps these are messages which were embedded in childhood. These family scripts may not necessarily serve us well in our own lives, therefore we might need to challenge ourselves to question why we keep giving into external pressures when it comes to ‘doing’ Christmas. We also need to reflect on how we value the time we spend with our loved ones and how we can be more present.

My own personal advice if you’re feeling festive pressure is to take a social media break. Seriously; delete those apps from your homescreen until New Year. Chances are if you’re not comparing your tree, your decorations, your gifts or your Christmas lunch to anyone elses; yours will look just perfect!

// Sarah Lawton