Finding Your Tribe: How To Make Friends As An Adult

If you’re a therapist, relationship expert, or life coach, you may be surprised by how difficult it is as an adult to form and maintain friendships.

After all, your job is to help others do just that - connect, communicate, and build fulfilling relationships. Yet many people in the helping professions find themselves struggling with loneliness, limited time, or difficulty finding like-minded peers.

If this resonates with you, know this: you’re not alone.

Why it’s harder for experts to make friends

In school or university, friendships happened naturally. You connected with classmates who lived nearby, attended the same parties, or shared your hobbies. But adult life is different and for those of us in therapeutic or coaching professions, even more so.

We spend our days in deep, emotionally charged conversations. Vulnerability, introspection, and emotional nuance are our norm. That depth, while professionally fulfilling, can feel isolating socially. Many people never reach that level of dialogue and some even actively avoid it. You might struggle to relate to small talk or superficial chatter. Worse still, you might find that when you do try to connect, people slip into treating you like their personal therapist rather than a friend.

Then there are the practical realities. Most coaches and therapists have fully booked calendars: individual sessions, group sessions, supervision, admin, content creation, marketing, and continuous learning.

For example, my days often begin at 8am and end at 7.30pm. By the time the weekend arrives, I’m torn between resting, catching up with family, sorting finances, watching a show, or updating my business plan. Monday arrives before I’ve even caught my breath.

Add to that the emotional toll of our work and the reality that many of us are self-employed - meaning time off equals lost income - and it’s no surprise we find it hard to make time or space for friendships.

Why friendships still matter (especially for us)

Despite all of this, forming genuine friendships is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. The longest-running study on happiness from Harvard - spanning over 75 years - proves that meaningful relationships are the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. Community builds resilience. It gives us a safe place to land, people to celebrate with, and support to take risks in life.

That community cannot just be our spouse, our children, or our clients. It has to be broader. If you’re lucky enough to have a large, close-knit family, wonderful. But many of us have to create our own tribes.

How to find your people

People often assume they need to make friends who share the same background, whether that’s socioeconomic, cultural, geographic, or professional. But in reality, shared values are what form deep, lasting connections so start with knowing and living your values.

Most people only know five of their values that they live by, if that, and assume the rest is “just common sense.” It’s not. When I work with clients on this, I start with a list of over 400 values. I could see six lovely clients in a single day, each with a completely different set of core values. That doesn’t make any of them wrong, it just means they wouldn’t belong in the same tribe.

Obviously you won’t then be handing out values-questionnaires at brunch (they might find that odd), but once you’re aware of your own values, you’ll naturally start spotting them in others. And you’ll begin attracting people who align with you - not necessarily those who look like you, work in your field, or live next door, but those who share your worldview.

That’s how I’ve built my own friendships across the decades - in my 20s, 30s, 40s and now 50s. Some friends came into my life for a reason, some for a season, and quite a few are still here for a lifetime.

My closest friends today range in age from 30 to 50+, are married, single, or divorced; some have children, others don’t. They’re British, French, Portuguese, Jordanian, Brazilian. We come from different cultures and careers, but what binds us is our shared values. We trust each other. We support each other. And we respect each other’s boundaries, especially when one of us needs time alone to recharge.

Creating space for friendship

When I first began practising, I was all in - excited, passionate, and completely consumed by the work. For a while, I forgot to tend to my own life.

But eventually, I realised what we tell our clients is also true for us: to give our best to others, we have to make the best of ourselves. That includes maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Setting boundaries. Taking time off. Saying no.

One of the best things I ever did was buy two phones - one for work, one for personal life. When I’m not working, I put the work phone away. I’ve set working hours and stick to them because there will always be one more client who wants to squeeze in but if I burn out, I’m no good to anyone.

I’ve also learned to be fully present with whoever I’m with. When I’m with my clients, they have my undivided attention. When I’m with friends or family, I offer the same.

The truth is, making friends as an adult isn’t easy for anyone, and especially not for us. But it’s worth the effort. Build your community around your values, not your job title. Honour your time and energy. Trust that your people are out there - sometimes in the most unexpected places - and they will find you, just as you will find them.

// Anne Jackson, UAE-based Therapeutic Life Coach & Relationship Specialist

About the author: Anne Jackson is an internationally recognised Therapeutic Life Coach and Relationship Specialist with over 15 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate life’s transitions. Known for her integrated, values-based approach, Anne combines psychological insight with practical coaching strategies to support personal growth and emotional resilience. She works with clients across the globe and is a sought-after voice in the fields of emotional wellbeing, self-development, and relationship health.