“Dear Principal Lisa,
The tantrums my little girls is having at age 3 are getting worse it feels this summer. I try explaining things to her, I talk to her lots but she doesn’t listen. What I am doing wrong?
Thanks for being there for us Mumma’s Lisa,
Love Phoebe, mum of two and worn out.”
Dear Phoebe,
Oh, Love I hear you,
No More Big Talks in Big Moments!
Really? “I thought talking to your toddler was a good idea” I hear you say…
It is a great idea! Just not when emotions are running high. Just not when your child is in fight or flight mode and lashing out.
A toddler screaming and sobbing can barely hear you. Big talks don’t work at this point.
In that moment connection, empathy, validation might be your best tools
When emotions are super big it’s hard to think let alone process the adult world
Toddlers are so real; they feel things intensively and they feel them quickly.
What to do?
Step 1: regulate you. It’s not an emergency. It’s just a mini human having a tricky moment. You don’t have to teach them right and wrong right now.
You are just at stage 1….
It doesn’t matter if everyone is watching.
Take your time.
Step 2: hmmm what feelings are happening? What might have triggered it? What is the need? Are they hungry, tired, overwhelmed? Are they hoping this behaviour will change the outcome of a decision? Has this behaviour worked for them in the past?
Step 3 Empathy and validation. It’s so simple really… hear them. Hear them at this point without an agenda to fix it. Help them to feel heard.
Imagine you didn’t think someone understood wouldn’t you scream louder? Would you be ready to listen and learn?
Save the life lessons until things have calmed down. Breathing has returned to normal for you both is a better time. This can take about 30 minutes.
No one can learn when they are on high alert. No one can problem solve in a state of high emotions.
I am running an 8-week Triple P Positive Parenting course in September which will give parents the skills and strategies to plan ahead for high-risk situations and how to deal with things in the moment. Id love to welcome you there.
I also share tips daily on my Instagram page.
This is only a chapter, it’s not the whole book. Things will get easier
With Love Lisa xx