Could Silent Heartache Be Holding You Back?

If you are a high achiever, you are more likely to have experienced pain early in life, a path I believe you’ve chosen to help evolve leadership and humanity.

Do you remember your first heartbreak? For me, it was during a hot Indian summer in the1970s. As a young girl, my family had relocated to the UK from India, but we would visit often.

On one visit to India, I saw my seven-year-old friend Ashha managing her home. In her eyes, I glimpsed a life burdened with responsibilities far beyond her years. The weight of her reality left an ache I couldn’t name but could never forget. My first heartbreak wasn’t from personal loss but from witnessing a reality so different from my own. It was a defining moment, quietly shaping my life and purpose.

I felt a deep connection to a timeless truth: when one of us suffers, all of us suffer.

I had a childhood filled with love and encouragement. Here was Ashha, only seven years old, already carrying the weight of the world. I could feel her sadness, and in my young consciousness, I leapt into the hole with her, wanting to lessen her pain. On the surface, I was a joyful girl, but my encounter with Ashha planted a seed. It awakened me to the stark imbalances in the world and began a lifelong quest to understand life’s inequalities.

For years, I compartmentalised the pain, even hiding it from myself, but it never truly left. How could it? It wasn’t mine to carry.

// The silent heartache of high achievers

Beneath the surface of many accomplished individuals lies a silent heartache, an ineffable pain. Unlike trauma, which often stems from a singular event, silent heartache is more subtle. It is the accumulation of smaller heartbreaks and disappointments, often buried so deeply we don't even realise we are carrying them.

Silent heartache often originates not from the obvious but from imperceptible moments. Imagine a child sensing, rather than hearing, that it is “not okay” to love a sibling, step-parent, or even another parent. These moments may seem insignificant, but to an impressionable heart, they plant seeds of doubt: “Is it safe to love?” “Is it wrong to feel truly happy?”

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As adults, these invisible wounds can ripple through our lives in unexpected ways. Despite external achievements, they may show up as a persistent sense of something missing, strained relationships, or career plateaus.

Society tells us to “grin and bear it” or “move on” because “time heals all wounds.” But unresolved pain does not simply go away. Instead, it creates subtle barriers that can hold us back, often without our conscious awareness.

Silent heartache may be the very thing holding you back, but it is also where your greatest growth lies.

// The invisible thread

Whenever I coach or mentor individuals, whether leaders, entrepreneurs, or creatives, to navigate deep personal or professional questions, I look for silent heartache. These hidden pains shape how we engage with love, success, and fulfilment.

For many high achievers, silent heartache goes unaddressed, hidden beneath layers of accomplishments. Obstacles may appear external, but they often reflect unresolved energy within. Without addressing the root cause, we carry these barriers forward, repeating cycles of pain and limitation.

Heartache is the heart’s quiet call, urging us to uncover the truth beneath the pain and lead lives from a place of healed wisdom.

// The science of the heart’s power

Addressing heartache is not just emotionally transformative; it is scientifically validated. The HeartMath Institute showed that the heart emits the strongest electromagnetic field of any organ in the body, communicating with our mind, body, and environment. When the heart radiates qualities like love, gratitude, or joy, its electromagnetic field strengthens, uplifting not only ourselves but those around us.

However, unresolved heartache diminishes this field, creating subtle energetic barriers. This is the invisible wall many high achievers face, not just external limitations, but internal blocks rooted in unprocessed pain.

// The journey toward healed wisdom

Healing silent heartache begins with awareness. If you are struggling in an area of life, ask yourself: “What might I be holding onto?” Sometimes, this means confronting uncomfortable truths, such as that someone close to us let us down, or that we have clung to ideals that no longer serve us.

When you dare to confront these questions, you create space for growth. This is the foundation of the Havens I have designed, safe spaces for emotional and energetic release. Using sound, silence, wisdom, and nourishment, participants shed layers of toxic “ama” the energetic debris held in the body, and realign with the creative flow of life.

// One client shared her transformation:

“As I worked through my silent heartache, I began to recognise my loving, compassionate self, and I felt happier. And then, when I would speak with my mother, I noticed how my energy shifted around her. I realised she was not good for me. Hema encouraged me to remain grounded in love and compassion for her pain, but to decide: “Who do I choose to be?” I wrote out and literally burned the beliefs that did not serve me and gave life to new ones, that it is safe to love and experience success without limitation."

As her life began to take off, she affirmed what I have seen countless times: when the heart’s energy field is fully activated, life transforms. Every step feels guided, every decision flows.

// Leading from a healed heart

That young girl who witnessed Ashha’s struggle grew up to understand something profound: our early heartaches often guide us toward our greatest purpose. The name Ashha means "hope" which reminds me of the possibility born in that moment: a hope and desire for a better world for everyone, everywhere.

By healing these invisible wounds, we create ripples that touch everyone we meet. To lead from a place of healed wisdom means making decisions that serve not just individuals but the collective good. Silent heartache is not a weakness, it is often the source of your greatest potential.

True leadership starts with a heart clear of the past. From there, its reach becomes boundless.

// Hema Vyas, Psychologist - www.hemavyas.com