Dear whoever needs to hear this,
I am 29. Twenty-nine. Two multiplied by ten add a nine. I’ve been navigating this crazy place world for almost thirty years. So, what does less than a year away from thirty look like? What should that look like? The straightforward answer is: who knows.
I have always despised my birthday for as long as I can remember. I would do everything in my power to avoid the attention, the recognition, the gifts, the parties, the celebrations. I would pretend I had plans with family, even going as far as to book random getaways to be out of the country where I could get away from the, “Oh, another year older are we?”
YES, JANE, I AM ANOTHER YEAR OLDER. THAT IS THE WAY TIME WORKS!
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But the question is, why do I - why do we - feel this way?
As a child, my birthday, most importantly, the party that came with it, was the highlight of my year, from swimming, trampolining, bouncy castles, bowling and sleepovers. I vividly remember buying ‘tat’ for party bags with my very patient mum, arranging and rearranging the contents multiple times to match what I thought each recipient would like (I am still this organised today). Fellow children were attending to celebrate ME and would bring gifts! As a primary school teacher today, it fills me with warmth to see my class of little people so excited to turn another year older. The excitement on their faces when bringing invitations in and cupcakes to share with others. So, at what point in life does this excitement start to diminish? Why do we hit this point in our life where the love for getting older vanishes?
I vividly remember praying that I would get older quicker. I desperately wanted to rush through the years. I longed to finish school, get a job and earn money. To watch those 18+ movies, to have my own house, to drink alcohol legally, to get a job, drive a car. I wanted to be a grown- up. My younger self thought that those extra digits meant life would be better. Little did I know I should have enjoyed the ride to my twenties instead of wishing it away.
The dictionary explains that time is an unlimited progress of existence. Someone very wise once told me that time is manufactured. It is man-made. Humans created it. We created it. Then why do we get so caught up with where we need to be at a specific point in our lives? We get so trapped with where society expects us to be. Or where we think they think we should be. Confusing right?
People talk about their 'five-year plan'. The first time I heard this, I was studying at university, training to be a teacher. I was shocked to learn that this was a known thing. After talking to other girlfriends and colleagues, I realised they also had their own five-year plan. It was as if I had missed an unspoken rule. These 'plans', so to speak, usually involved: a dream job, a house, pets, engagement, marriage, and children. All in the space of five years. I was twenty at the time of learning this. I know this because I intensely remember my heart skipping a beat when Irealised if I initiated my own five-year plan immediately, I would be 25 with a job, a house, a husband, and a child. I was behind. I was behind where society expected me to be. Or so I thought.
So, I am twenty-nine. I am in my very late twenties, and this is the final year I will be able to tick the under 30s box when completing forms. But my life doesn't feel like it has even started yet. I know how hard it is to not compare your life to others. So many of my friends have bought their own houses, have high-flying jobs, are engaged, married, have children. Social media today makes this even harder with the constant exposure of people’s highlight reels which are not a true reflection of their life. I have recently been travelling around the world, taking each day as it comes. I have not found my dream job yet, despite teaching for almost a decade; to tell you the truth, I am still not sure what my dream job is. I do not own a house, nor do I have a husband, nor am engaged. I also do not have children or any desire to have them yet. Yet. But, what I am lucky enough to have is a wonderful family, a supportive partner, a roof over my head, a job that pays the bills and a beautiful dog whom I recently adopted to join me on my journey through life.
The point is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Sometimes it might feel like you are behind, comparing yourself to others, but the bottom line is, it is impossible to be behind in life. There is no map or timeline of how your life is supposed to look because it is just that: your life. We all have our own unique path to follow, and better still, we get to lay down the stepping stones. So, get laying! You are in control of writing each chapter in your book, so you better get writing.
Make the most of every moment.
Forget about society's expectations.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Love someone who needed to write this xx
// Lauren Taher
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