10 Signs You're Turning Into Your Mother

Whether it’s our body shape or the likelihood of developing migraines or having a prolonged menopause, there are lots of ways we can’t outrun the genetics which make us our mothers’ daughter.

But it’s not just our Mothers’ genetics we carry is it? It’s all the little things that make her, her. Her quirks, her idiosyncrasies… we carry those with us too, whether we like it or not. A recent UK poll showed that on average, it’s at the age of 43 that women start to become more like their mother.

Dear readers; I am 44.

Now don’t get me wrong; there are lots of fantastic things about my Mother. A lot of the most beautiful character traits which I hope I have inherited and can pass on to my children. My Mam is one of the kindest and selfless people you could ever wish to meet. I’m always astounded by the amount of cards she gets on her birthday (old people buy cards for anything and everything, have you noticed that? My own children are lucky if I remember to get them a birthday card). They’re mostly from people I’ve never heard of, because she’s in so many peoples lives, helping out in a myriad of ways which she never shows off about. She’s also super generous; one of that old-school working-class generation who would literally give you her last.

So yes; I think it’s fair to say I wouldn’t mind turning into my Mother in the big ways, the ways that count.

But what about all the ridiculous little ways that catch you off guard and give you the fright of your 44 year old life?

Here are the top ten clues that you, like me may be turning into your Mother.

●      You completely lose any behavioural filters which allow for polite social contact. Like my Gran before her, my Mam is becoming more prone to saying exactly what she thinks when she thinks it; even if that makes her children want to crawl under the table in horror. The worrying thing I have to admit is that I am starting to think those things. How long will it be before they start flying out of my mouth in the doctors surgery/supermarket/theatre at max volume?

●      You see your mothers actual face when you look in the mirror. Now a slight disclaimer from me; as I’ve been open about in the past I have a face full of botox (praise be) so I maybe don’t see my mother’s lovely naturally youthful face; but I do see her hands! They’re getting more like hers by the year.

●      You become completely negative about the weather, as well as any restaurants which aren’t in your approved list of three. It won’t just rain this weekend; there will be a typhoon. And if it’s not your local Italian where you’ve eaten every week for ten years, there’s no point eating out. It will be disappointing… average at best.

●      You become incredibly territorial about the contents of your cupboards and fridge. You hear yourself saying to the kids “Don’t you dare eat that cheese, it’s for guests on Boxing Day!”. You say this despite the fact it’s early September.

●      You can only park your car if the radio is turned down. If you are menopausal already, forget reversing for the next five years; it’s not going to happen.

●      You walk around the house frantically patting yourself in search of your glasses (which are on your head - always) and your phone, asking your children or poor spouse to ring it for you. When the phone is located; you hold it 1.3 metres away from your face and squint your eyes to read a text deciding that soon you will need to get one of those phones with bigger writing.

●      You communicate mainly in sayings which you swore you’d never use because they were so annoying to yu as a teenager. My personal favourites are “It’s like bloody Blackpool Illuminations in here!” (delivered whilst raging around the house turning all the lights off then tripping over stuff in the dark) and “Give me a chance will you!? My left foot’s cracking walnuts here!” That one always leaves the kids equal parts confused and wary of me, firstly because it’s usually delivered at full scream level with my forehead veins pulsating, and secondly because they have no idea what a walnut has to do with my left foot.

●      You have started to see Marks & Spencer as the absolute first port of call when it comes to choosing clothes. And you listen to Radio 2 as you drive there.

●      You purchase, or at least consider purchasing both a summer and a winter duvet. That’s two duvets. And you change them seasonally. You may even have an in-depth knowledge of ‘togs’. Because those night sweats are coming for you, and you know it.

●      You have given into the inevitable reality of having a beard and now keep tweezers in the middle console of your car, for those moments when you discover a stray wiry pube coming out of your chin. Even though, by the way, you did a full chin-check before you left the house just an hour ago and there was absolutely nothing there.